I've Got a Secret

Hidden away, I have a secret.  I can't reveal it to you yet.  I need to wait for the perfect time... the time that this knowledge revealed will be most beneficial to you.  


You will be changed forever and your life will never be the same. It is a secret of great importance.  You are about to receive a gift - a gift that is immeasurably more than you could ask for or even imagine. 


I am building something of great magnificence - handmade. My fingers deftly, intricately weave in and out.  My hands form. All this time you will try to guess (and will be correct) about many of the details, but you will never suspect THE secret.


Every aspect is perfect, nothing out of place... not even that third "x".  SURPRISE!! Happy Birthday and I don't just mean the screaming bundle placed on your chest.  Today is the day you grow and my gift is him to you.  The secret is his diagnosis and it too is your gift.


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The medical team examined Eric after his dramatic entrance on June 25th, 2011 and with each pronouncement of checks on his health, Jason and I breathed a sigh of relief. "Lungs - good". "Oxygen levels - good". "Color - good". "Pulse rate - good." Each of our concerns with delivering early flew out the window with each "good". 

Jason followed the nursery staff out to the NICU as I recovered.  When he returned, he had a different type of teardrop in his eyes.  "Love, I have something to tell you."  The heaviness quickly returned.  Was it the heart (we had a child born with a hole in her heart)?  Was there a pre-maturity issue we hadn't known about?  Did he die? Is he missing a toe or a finger?

Then came the big reveal of the secret God knew all along. "The doctor thinks Eric has Down Syndrome".

I can't tell you how relieved I was!  I don't remember if I said it out loud but I thought, "Thank God!  That's all?!?"

Unfortunately, then Jason received a handout on Down Syndrome and once again those worrisome thoughts flew back in our room, into our heads and into our hearts.  All the things we dreamed about crashed down around us. They pressed deep upon us and we felt suffocated by all the difficulties spelled out before us on those papers.

But there were more secrets to come.  A hole in his heart that might have required surgery down the road was to HEAL in a week.  A common intestinal issue was to never appear.  An eight week stay in the hospital was only to last 2 weeks.  A flight only allowed for the baby was to allow momma also.  Another several week stay in a hospital was only to be a week.  And even though the dreams would look a tad different, we learned to dream again.

So now I look back.  I ponder the "If I only knew then, what I know now".  If the story had turned out different... If the story still turns out different... I hope I  could/can still rejoice in the secret God revealed to me on the day I was born into a life touched by Down Syndrome.