Same yet Different, as Usual

I haven't written for a while... I think I have been a bit scared to - a bit scared of what will come out, what will be written.

I have sat back and watched this little man grow, develop, succeed,.  I have watched him get sick, struggle, regress, come unglued.

I have wrestled with  frustration, worry, pride in his accomplishments, joy, anger, exhaustion, guilt.

In many ways, not much different than raising my other children.  I don't know what I am doing.  I don't know what to expect, I don't know that I am doing enough and if what I am doing is right.  I don't know how I am going to do this.

And yet, so different... Eric has had so many different appointments this past couple weeks, I honestly have lost count.  Also, I feel like he has a lot more to lose if I don't "do this right".  I have resources at my fingertips, but I don't know that I can do all the research, all the legwork, all the implementation.

So I sit here... silent, quiet, tired of raging, fighting, waiting for direction, waiting for a Word.  God has him.  God has me.  God has my family in the palm of His hand.  Everything we need He provides.  He will provide peace, clarity, direction.  Usually it looks different than what I am looking for.  Which is the same, as usual.