what is fear and what is wisdom,
what is recommendation and what is necessary,
what is reckless and what is taking a leap of faith.
Eric is sick... again... one of many little episodes of congestion and coughs. And I am responsible for it. I have taken some risks according to our pediatrician.
Eric's pediatrician does not want Eric in public - grocery shopping, church, large groups of people - for the first YEAR of his life. The pediatrician also recommends limited exposure: meaning no kissing or touching the face by anyone (you can bet Momma breaks this rule!), lots of hand washing and disinfectant and not many people holding him. Pre-maturity and Down Syndrome both bring low immunity - two strikes against the little guy.
I love and trust our pediatrician - he truly has Eric's health and best in mind. I appreciate that he is knowledgeable, precautionary and proactive.
However, I feel like this places us in a isolated bubble. As much as I appreciate and find comfort in a good bubble, we need community as well. And yet, the slightest sniffle starts a flood of guilt. I wonder if we had been too "social".
I realize though that I have had to let go of Eric since the moment I knew he was growing inside me. "For You, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O LORD, from my youth. Upon You I have leaned from before my birth; You are He who took me from my mother's womb. My praise is continually of You." Psalm 71:5-6. His birth was out of my control. His diagnosis was out of my control. His development is out of my control and his health is out of my control. I will try my best in making sure I am doing all I can to keep Eric healthy and developing to his fullest potential. I can play a part, a role in some of those things but I cannot determine the outcome.
So I may attend a function and not let a single person hold him and appear to be selfishly hogging him - that's okay with me. I may not attend a function and appear to be stuck up - that's okay too. I may have you use hand sanitizer, don gloves, surgical scrubs with mask and cap before you enter our house and appear to be overprotective - and that's okay 'cause I probably am being
However, I may break some of the precautions for the chance to minister to someone, for the chance of a Mommy break, for the chance of socialization. For whatever reason I venture out of the bubble, I will need to remember Who is in control, Who holds Eric and Who has written Eric's story. Either God will keep Eric protected from germs or He won't and will give us the grace to get through the sickness. Either way I will need to trust Him to give me the wisdom in each decision and trust His love for us.
The point is, I am still trying to figure this one out and I ask for patience and understanding...So don't please hesitate in being directly involved in our life... I am just trying to do the best with what wisdom (little or much) I have been given. It's not the first, nor will it be the last time I will need to find...
balance.
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